A synonym for 'gay' is 'merry'. But NOT 'marry'.

less than a week now has passed since prop 8 was overturned, and boy oh boy (not boy ON boy) has a lot happened. Last night the American Bar Association said at its annual meeting that "The ABA urges state, territorial, and tribal governments to eliminate all of their legal barriers to civil marriage." Did the lawyers get tired of divorce cases?

Now we all know this whole idea of gays being allowed to marry ruined it in every way. Ever since the gays brought about Tiger Woods' infidelity his game has been shot to hell. (I mean even I could play a better round of golf than that last one, and you know how gays are with sports). And you just know that Bobby Trendy, a man so flaming he needs his own fire escape route, convinced Anna Nicole to marry the 90 year old for something other than 'true love'. Newt Gingrich admitting this week to extra-marital affairs shows us how much pressure this prop 8 debate is causing. And if I'm not mistaken, I believe a gay man owned the little Vegas chapel where Britney Spears wed her husband of 12 hours.

Things just keep getting worse. Jump from the sports page and lifestyle sections into the business section and behold, gay marriage is now ruining even the economy! After Target Corp. apologized for its political donation to highly-homophobic candidate Tom Emmer, it's stock dipped more than 2 dollars a share. Now on the bright side, I did go grocery shopping there today and spent 47 bucks. I just hope it's enough for them to get back on their feet.

Now I may not have much leverage when it comes to getting the word out, but luckily a few celebrities who do are spreading the message. Australian Senate candidate Wendy Francis tweeted that "legitimising gay marriage is like legalising child abuse." If only my grandfather, who founded the Kempe Center for the prevention and treatment of child abuse (kempe.org), had instead chosen to focus on making sure his grandson couldn't tie the knot and bring about this apocalypse. Think of where we would be today.

But who better to give a perspective on the issue than Alveda King, the niece of Martin Luther King Jr. In yesterday's response to being asked about Coretta Scott King's (MLK's wife) support of gay marriage, Alveda responded "She was married to him. I've got his DNA. She doesn't. She didn't.." adding further that "gay marriage is genocide." Well, you go girl. You campaign for those human rights for all heterosexuals. I guess this means she can finally sit in the front of the bus, and the gays should sit in back.

The worst part of this all is that the biggest threat to preventing gay marriage in the U.S... ISN'T EVEN in the US! America is now the heterosexual ham in a gay sandwich (or i guess panini), trapped between two countries, Canada and Mexico, that now BOTH allow gay marriage from the Atlantic to the Pacific. So unless we all decide to be low carb and just eat the meat, we may have to eat the sandwich. We can work it off at the gym after.

So America, I don't know what to say on this one. I of course keep taking the guilt for ruining this precious word called marriage. I mean the only solution I can come up with is that every gay man and woman become marriage and divorce counselors and bring down the divorce and infidelity rates. After all, if we can't use the word 'marriage', we can certainly use the words 'billable hours'. I think that's a fair compromise.