All of a sudden GOP stands for 'Gays On Parade'???!!!

This just cannot stand folks. The gays are now taking over the Republican Party, the last line of defense in protecting the sanctity of marriage. Just yesterday, Sam Stein of the Huffington Post reported that more and more conservatives are trying to ease up on their views of gay marriage in hopes of snagging some of the votes away from Obama, who has thus far done about jack squat on the issue. So if you can't beat 'em, then at least get their vote! Smart.

On Monday, former McCain Manager Steve Schmidt argued that there was a "strong conservative case to be made in favor of gay marriage" and that more and more Republicans are dropping their opposition to the cause." Shortly thereafter, a prominent Democratic consultant got in touch with the Huffington Post to make the case that the Obama administration risks losing the gay rights community (or at least depressing their votes) with its tepid embrace of their priorities.

Now for starters, gays and Republicans probably can't mix. God did not make elephants pink. He did however, make some democratic donkeys pink. They're called pinatas.

So now all of a sudden the Repuplicans, led partially by the newly outed RNC Chair Ken Mehlman, are taking their elephants on parade (insert Henry Mancini song here). Is there no safe haven?!! Oh wait, yes. Alaska. A land where a person who doesn't know that Africa is a continent (not a joke, look it up) can be elected Governor. As for the other 49 down below? We're in trouble here.

Now, my advice to the GOP? Let's keep this ship as straight as we can, literally. Let there me no allegations of so-called 'Gay' scandals while in office. Luckily for the GOP there have been no such perverted gay scandals yet (Barney Frank, James West, Bob Bauman, Dan Crane, Jon Hinson, Ted Haggard, Jim McGreevey, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy Jr...). Let's make sure that heterosexual flag hangs high, and with no rainbows on it.

And if you need advice on what to say IF you are dealing with a gay scandal, please follow the advice of my dear good politician friends at Little Britain. Thank you.